apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
