whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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