Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
