Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
