being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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