i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
