Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
