Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well I just put wine in my tea
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
