i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
