I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
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Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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