i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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