You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
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She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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