shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
