I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
