did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
