if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Randomize
