you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
