Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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