How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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