i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize