I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
