Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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