giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
