If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
