at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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