Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
