In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I need moral support for this bender
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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