Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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