Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
