legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
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Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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