Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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