remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
