Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize