i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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