I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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