Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
