3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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