I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize