its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
