Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
