dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Houston, we have a squirter
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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