Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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