I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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