Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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