I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize