When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
