Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
