the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
