She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
