he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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