its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
