one might say we're banned from that church
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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