your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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