My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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