I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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