someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
