I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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