She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
