All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
