Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
