you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
