Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
