i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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