thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
