I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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