I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have surprise drugs for everyone
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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