Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
