i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
