dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
