any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
