You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
