does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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