Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
a search helicopter?!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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