I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
