Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
