I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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