Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
