I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
