Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
