It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm too high and old for this...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
