Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Im part way to drunk.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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