I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
