i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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