The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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